Talking To Your Kids About Cancer

One question I’m often asked is “How and when did you tell your kids you had breast cancer? My husband and I agreed that we wanted to be open and truthful about everything as soon as my diagnosis was confirmed. We turned to my breast surgeon for advice on what to say to our three boys who were middle school aged at the time. We planned a family meeting and decided that I would do the talking. I began by telling them that I had found a lump in my chest – to which our youngest shouted, “You’re pregnant?” When I said, “no” he answered “Phew!” I told them that the lump was in my breast and they immediately asked if it was cancer. When I said, “yes” they all began to cry. It broke my heart to see them so sad and frightened. Holding their hands, I assured them that the doctors were very encouraged and had given me a good prognosis since the lump was very small and I had caught it early. I explained to them that there would be many steps, tests, and procedures involved that would take time and patience and when I finished the therapy I would be okay. Of course, many questions followed: “Are you going to die?” “Will you lose your hair? Will you get a wig?” “Who knows about this already? Can we tell people? What should we say?” “Does this mean we can get breast cancer?” “Are people going to bring us dinners?” My husband and I answered the questions as best as we could which, of course, led to even more questions. Since school was about to end for summer vacation, we assured the boys that all their summer plans would stay intact. We wanted to keep their lives as “normal” as possible. The family meeting concluded with lots of hugs and kisses. Telling our children that I had cancer was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. However, it was also one of my proudest moments because of the strength and composure that I maintained during such a difficult conversation. There’s no right or wrong way to explain a cancer diagnosis to children. Each family will deal with it in their own unique way and to the best of their ability, taking into consideration the ages and personalities of their children. At the time it didn’t occur to me to find a book or look online for advice, but I’ve since found some helpful books and online resources which are shared below. How did you tell your children? Did you find something helpful that you’d like to share? BOOKS: Nowhere Hair by Sue Glader http://www.nowherehair.com Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings by Ellen McVicker http://www.butterflykissesbook.com/ ON-LINE RESOURCES: Recommended by Camp Kesem: Telling Kids About Cancer From the American Cancer Society: Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer From Cancercare.org: Helping Children From the National Cancer Institute at the National Institutes of Health: When Someone You Love Is Treated From the Cancer Support Community: Parenting Through Cancer